Editor’s Note: We live in an era of confusion and hurt when it comes to the question of what it means to be a real man. Should we see manhood as a fluid social construct? Should we define it according to societal ideals such as power and machismo? Should we see traditional masculinity as toxic? Does the Bible give guys guidance on these questions beyond just being nice and going to church regularly? In this 2-part series, Mike Ackerman, professor of New Testament and church planting at Ozark Christian College, delves into what the Bible teaches about manhood, showing its answers to be both nuanced and deeply helpful (for Part 1, click HERE). These articles are adapted from a sermon Mike preached on the topic at Ozark Christian College.
Courage & Conviction
A second feature of biblical manhood I think we see Adam fail in and Jesus succeed in is courage and conviction. I think men are supposed to be principled. They are supposed to have a backbone. They are supposed to say, “There are things that are right, there are things that are wrong, and I have that settled within me.”
You know, Adam already failed by allowing Eve to face this temptation on her own. He didn’t step in to steward the teaching he was given to protect her against this deception. Then, he descends further when he takes that bite himself. And I don’t know what happened in those brief moments between when she takes the bite and when he takes the bite, but I know what did not happen: he did not say, “Enough is enough. That’s not right. I’m not going there.”
I don’t know if he was worried about conflict with his wife. I don’t know if he was just hungry. I don’t know what it is that went through his mind, but I do know he did not take a stand in that moment. He did not exhibit courage and conviction. He gave in to the boyish tendency to be impulsive and indulgent.
“Adam already failed by allowing Eve to face this temptation on her own.”
Jesus, when he was faced with temptation, did not give in. He stood firm. He was tempted by the devil to throw himself off the top of the temple in order to show everybody that God would take care of him in his time of need. But Jesus responded that it would not be right to put the Lord to the test. It’s not a matter of if he could but of if he should. He resisted the temptation to flex, to defend his ego. He had the confidence that he didn’t need to test God and the conviction that it would be wrong to do so. And so, in that moment, he said, “I’m not going to do that. I don’t need to impress you. I don’t need to impress these people. I know who I am, I know who my father is, and I’m going to do what’s right in this moment.” There’s a manliness to that.
In Jesus’s ministry, when he goes to the temple, he sees that the temple is full of merchants making money, and he clears them out. The disciples later remember that it says in the Psalms, “Zeal for your house will consume me.”
Jesus had a passion for the holiness of his Father’s house. He knew that there are certain things that are right to do in the presence of God and certain things that are wrong. They were turning the temple into something that was exploiting others and using it to their own advantage. He knew what was right and wrong, and he was going to do what it took to make a statement of truth even at risk to himself.
“Jesus had a passion for the holiness of his Father’s house.”
We see the same courage and conviction come up again in his conflicts with the religious leaders. He regularly picked fights on the Sabbath. It wasn’t with physical violence, but he would choose to heal at times on the Sabbath because he knew it would provoke a conflict. It’s clear in the text that there are times he could’ve avoided this if he needed to, but he wanted to make a point that it’s right to do the good thing on the Sabbath, not evil. It’s right to heal not to destroy, and he was willing to face the scorn of the most powerful people in his society at that time.
Here Jesus was with all the big names around—Gamaliel, Nicodemus, Sanhedrin members—that could eventually be the ones to cast a vote to whether he lives or dies, and he decided to do what was right, to bring wholeness to people in need, even though it would pick fights with powerful people.
I’m amazed at the poise of Jesus at his trial. He stands there when he faces Pilate, the Roman governor, the one who literally has the power to say who dies and who lives. And Jesus is un-intimidated. Pilate says, “Don’t you know who I am?” And Jesus replies, in essence, “Don’t you know who I am? You wouldn’t have any power if it wasn’t given to you by my Father.” In order to be in that situation, ready to die, Jesus had to get himself ready, praying the night before, “Not my will but your will be done.” Jesus stands there in that moment, a man of courage and conviction. He’s not swayed by public opinion. He’s not motivated by self-preservation. He does what he does because it’s the right thing to do.
“He does what he does because it’s the right thing to do.”
So, if you’re a man listening to this, what are you going to be about? What do you feel strongly about? How are you pursuing holiness in your life?
It has been interesting to find out that in a lot of dating relationships there’s a certain kind of dynamic as it comes to the preservation of the boundaries sexually. Often, the couple works out what they should and shouldn’t do as a couple, but then it becomes kind of like the girl’s job to stay vigilant in keeping the couple from going there. It’s like it’s almost understood that guys are going to take what they can get so the girl needs to stay vigilant and then hopefully things won’t go there.
I remember talking to a former student once who felt so guilty because she said they crossed lines but that she should’ve put up more of a fight. And I’m like, “Wait, wait. Timeout.” I didn’t want to condescend her since she too had a responsibility in this equation. But I said, “You’re saying that you feel guilty that you weren’t more vigilant in defending against him. How about we also expect him to have his own sense of right and wrong? How about we expect him to have restraint?” It’s like she had gaslit herself and was saying the problem here is that she wasn’t strong enough, and what was missing was any expectation of him to be a man of conviction. There was no expectation that he would say, “This is what’s right, and I am going to be the preserver of our holiness.”
“What do you feel strongly about? How are you pursuing holiness in your life?”
I remember talking to a girl who was struggling with whether she should stay with this guy she was with because, basically, they had been in a situation at some people’s house off campus, and there was some alcohol and he pressured her to drink. He said, “Come on, chill out. Quit being so legalistic.” And as they were both students here at Ozark, she tried reminding him, “Even though we’re allowed to legally, we have our covenant here at Ozark” (a covenant according to which Ozark students agree to abide by some moral rules). And the boyfriend said, “Oh come on! That’s just a piece of paper.”
Just a piece of paper. And so I told her, “Well, so is a marriage certificate. You want to be with a guy who feels that way about his commitments?” I actually officiated their wedding. It was the hardest wedding I’ve ever officiated because I did not feel good about it. I remember even asking one of his groomsmen, “You’ve got four sisters. Would you be okay with one of your sisters marrying a guy like him?”
“No, probably not.”
“How come you’re not saying anything?”
Unfortunately, three years into their marriage, he left her because he wanted to go do his thing and get to know somebody else. And we could see this coming because he wasn’t a man of conviction.
“We could see this coming because he wasn’t a man of conviction.”
Men should be courageous. First Corinthians 16:13 says to be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be courageous, be strong. It’s interesting that the word courageous there is actually the Greek word for “be manly.” A lot of translations don’t feel good about that translation, so they just say “be courageous.” But it actually seems to be saying that a man is supposed to be courageous.
Revelation 21:8 lists a bunch of types of people that go to hell. The first people on the list are cowards. Girls, expect a man to have conviction if you’re going to date him. Expect him to be the champion of what’s right in a relationship.
Leadership & Sacrifice
A third feature of biblical manhood is leadership and sacrifice. Maybe we should say leadership through sacrifice. We’re probably not used to seeing the words leadership and sacrifice together, and that’s unfortunate. Often, when we think of leadership or power, we don’t think of it as being something sacrificial. Rather, we think about it being something useful for one’s own benefit.
Adam did not show leadership or sacrifice when the time came to give an account. He had failed by letting Eve eat the fruit. He had failed by himself eating from the fruit. When confronted by God, he’s hiding naked and ashamed. And when asked to give a reason why things went down the way they did, he says, “She gave it to me.” He’s hiding and blaming. He could have finally shown some backbone and some strength and said, “I dropped the ball. I failed her, I failed you, I failed myself.” Instead, he says, “She did.” Adam gave in to the boyish tendency toward self-centeredness, consumption, and self-preservation.
When Jesus was tempted by the devil to bow down and receive all the kingdoms, it was an invitation to have power without sacrifice. Jesus responds by saying he will worship the Lord and him only. He understood that his service to the Lord involved death. You can’t have power without a cross. You can’t have leadership in Jesus’ kind of way without self-sacrifice and service.
“You can’t have leadership in Jesus’ kind of way without self-sacrifice and service.”
We see Jesus knowing along the way that this is what he was destined for. He predicts his death multiple times. He says, “I’m a good shepherd for the flock.” Why? “Because the good shepherd lays his life down for the flock.” The hired hands are like Adam; they run and hide at the first sign of a threat. But the good shepherd lays his life down for the sheep and that’s what Jesus came to do.
In John 13, we see Jesus in all of his manliness. He’s at the table with his disciples getting down on his hands and knees like a slave and washing his disciples’ feet. And in case we missed the lesson on leadership, he says, “Now, if your Lord and teacher has washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.”
First Corinthians 15:45 says the first Adam became a living being, while the last Adam (Jesus) became a life-giving spirit. The first Adam used his life to bring about death, while the last Adam used his death to bring life for others.
There is no question about it. Jesus shows us what it looks like to be a leader. And I do believe men should be the leaders of their homes and be the pace-setter, the tone-setter of what this family is going to be about. But that is never meant to be used for one’s own benefit. It’s to be used for the good of others.
“If your Lord and teacher has washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.”
We shouldn’t be consumers. Men should not be learning to consume; they should be learning to give. If you’re spending hours playing video games, if you’re into porn, if you’re into things that are just consuming in order to gratify yourself, you’re not being a man. You’re not ready to be a husband and a father. Ephesians 5 says that husbands should love their wives like Christ loved the church and laid his life down for her. This is what it’s all about. To be a man of God in a family is to be the one who is leading out in sacrifice.
I remember a guy in my mentor group who had gotten married, and I got word that he was leaving his wife. So I called him. We had a half-hour conversation, and he admitted what the issue was: “I’m being selfish.” I was like, “Okay, so repent.” He said, “Well, I’ll think about it.” After about a week, I reached back out to him and asked, “What are you thinking?” And he said, “Well, my counselor and my mom said I probably shouldn’t talk to you anymore because you don’t have all the details. You don’t know all the situation, so it would just be better for my health if I don’t talk to you.”
That’s what Mommy says. Girls, if you’re looking for a husband, make sure he’s looking for a wife, not a mom. Make sure he is ready to say, “I will set the pace, and I will lay my life down for you. I’m not here so you can take care of me.”
“Girls, if you’re looking for a husband, make sure he’s looking for a wife, not a mom.”
Jesus showed us the way to be a man. He exhibited a concern for the well-being of the vulnerable. He was a man of principle and conviction. He faced opposition with poise, and ultimately he did that because he was leading the way and showing us that a man lays his life down. He serves. He’s humble. He’s sacrificial. That’s what it is to be a man.
As we close out, I want to move into a time of prayer.
God, first we pray for healing. We pray that if we have been on the receiving end of corrupted, distorted, wounding types of masculinity, we pray for a miraculous healing of the mind and heart and body. I want to just believe you that today can be the day that a clean break can be made and a fresh start begins. I want to ask for the memories of those traumas to fade away. I want to ask that the emotional and even physical responses to that trauma dissipate. I pray for healing.
God, I want to pray a prayer of confession. I want to acknowledge that each of us in this room that are men have failed at some point in our exhibiting of biblical manhood. We accept your grace and we receive it, and we pray that you would give us insight and clarity into ways that we have failed.
“God, first we pray for healing.”
And God I pray that you would send us out, that you would commission us to be men of conviction, men who care for the vulnerable, men who are willing to serve and take risks and lead new initiatives and be creative and take on challenges. That we don’t shirk back, that we don’t give in when things are hard, that we don’t pursue our own comfort and pleasure over something noble in bringing glory to you and good to the world. I pray that you would send us out as men.
And I pray even in a miraculous way that today can be a day we grow up. Where addictions are broken, where insecurities are soothed, where visions are imparted—that we can go out and do something noble with our lives. I pray that you would send us out.
And with it all, I pray that you would help us to keep Jesus in the forefront of our minds, that our view of manhood would be defined by him and his love and his sacrifice. I pray all this in Jesus’ name, Amen.
