Every fall when I give my “welcome to college” talk to our incoming class of first-year students, I tell them that they will likely experience more changes over the next ten years than any other ten year period of their lives. Many of them will graduate from college, get their first “adult” job, fall in love and get married, have their first child, live separate from their parents in their first house and in a completely new town. It was a little jarring this year to see my own son in the crowd as I’m giving this talk. His younger sister is just a year behind him. Is that possible? I’m feeling old.
Maybe it’s because my own kids are soon to enter their twenties, maybe it’s because I have close friends becoming grandparents, maybe it’s because I can’t freaking read a menu at a restaurant without my readers and the light from my iPhone, but I’ve been thinking about aging lately.
I guess it would be more accurate to say that I’ve been thinking about the purpose of age. You could do a SWOT analysis on every decade of your life. So I’ve been wondering, what is the purpose of my 40s? What are the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats of my life at 45? As I think about my kids and my students, I’ve also been reflecting on the purpose of the 20s, the active decade.
“I’ve been thinking about the purpose of age.”
We all grow more nostalgic as we age. When we’re young, we’re tempted to interpret this nostalgia from our elders with a bit of defensiveness. We feel judged by the rose-colored recollections about life “back in my day.” Some of this defensiveness is justified because the older you get, the weirder young people seem. If you are young and sense we’re wagging our finger at you, it’s because we are. (Believe it or not, you will not always be young and cool. You will wake up one day and find that you have become the righteous finger-wagger. It comes for us all.)
It would be a mistake to regard all of this nostalgia defensively, however. Doing so might cause us to miss an opportunity to learn from the wisdom that often comes with age. If you’re young, there is a good chance older people have seen things and know things that you have not learned yet. They might be worth listening to.
With that necessary preface, I’ll adopt the posture of the old man (complete with the aching back and wagging finger) and ask the question. What are your 20s for?
“If you’re young, there is a good chance older people have seen things and know things that you have not learned yet.”
To answer the question, we have to first identify what is unique about the average person in his or her third decade. In your 20s, there are some things you will have more than at any other decade of your life. Typically, you will have better health, better vitality, and more energy. Being in your 20s will give you opportunities that you might have less of as you get older. Want to drive to Chicago for the weekend with friends? Sure. You likely don’t have to worry about soccer games or yard work or that fund-raiser that your wife signed you up for.
Related to this, when you are young and in your 20s you can afford to take bigger risks than when you’re in your 40s. Of course, there are things in your 20s that you have less than at any other decade. You will have less money (making that trip to Chicago difficult after all). Your career is just beginning, and you’ll be trusted with little. You likely won’t have your “forever job” in your 20s, and you will spend a lot of time trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up. You will have less wisdom and ability to see the “big picture” of your life (all the more reason to listen to old people). You will make many flippant decisions unaware or unconcerned about the consequences.
In your 20s, you will likely build some of your most important, lifelong relationships, but as you are building, you’ll also discover that many of your relationships will be less stable and more prone to upheaval. The sad reality is you will make, and lose, many friends in your 20s.
“The sad reality is you will make, and lose, many friends in your 20s.”
There are probably some things that I’m forgetting to mention, but all of this invites the question: given the unique opportunities and limitations, what is the purpose of the 20s?
It’s dangerous to be too prescriptive with an answer here. Traditionally, the purpose of the 20s was to pass certain milestones on the way to adulthood—get married, buy a house, have a kid, grumble about how they don’t seem to make any good music anymore. The tendency with Gen Z is to delay all of those traditional milestones except for the observation about music. Gen Z has never known good music.
Personally, I think there are much worse ways to spend your 20s than getting married and bringing life into the world. Those have been two of the biggest blessings of my life, and I couldn’t imagine wanting to delay them for some other personal ambition. Nevertheless, crossing milestones might be things that happen in your 20s, but I don’t think they are the purpose of your 20s.
“Crossing milestones might be things that happen in your 20s, but I don’t think they are the purpose of your 20s.”
Build Yourself
You’ve been given a decade of strength, vitality, and opportunity. Those are gifts, and like all gifts, they must be stewarded well. Use your 20s to build yourself. Don’t waste your 20s afraid to do hard things or new things. Yes, do fun things; be a bit impulsive. Pursue wisdom like a precious jewel, but don’t mistake wisdom for fear. Take risks. It’s fine if you fail. Your life will be forged from your failures and the lessons you learn along the way.
Identify things that matter and be bold in them. Don’t put it off. Don’t waste your 20s living in bitterness that the world isn’t already at your feet. Instead, use your 20s to listen, learn, and find passions. You have so much to learn, and the good news is that you’re better equipped to learn new things when you’re young.
Love Sacrificially
Use your 20s to learn how to love sacrificially. Your 20s are a great time to learn about yourself and to start building your life. The wisdom of this world reflects this truth, but twists it into a narcissistic quest of “self discovery.” You are told that it is best to use your 20s for you. Selfishness is turned into a virtue when you’re young and vibrant. Only give yourself to something bigger than yourself after your energy is spent. This is backwards. The world will have you use your energy and strength of youth mistaking self-indulgence for happiness. What the world doesn’t tell you is that we find ourselves best when we give ourselves to others. You will be happier investing your strength in building things that last – relationships and institutions – than you will in frivolously living for yourself.
“What the world doesn’t tell you is that we find ourselves best when we give ourselves to others.”
Love God and Pursue His Calling
Lastly, use your 20s to fall in love with God and His higher calling for your life. This is the message of Ecclesiastes 12. If the greatest and most important love of my life is my love for God, why in the world would I want to use my youth loving the fleeting and disappointing things of the world instead? Love God in the energy of your youth. Use your strength finding joy in the Lord.
(From chadragsdale.wordpress.com. Used with permission.)
