AUTHOR’S NOTE: One of the best ways we can learn what people in crisis need is by examining case studies of people who have successfully survived a crisis. The biblical book of Job serves as a great case study and is a rich source of information and insights on what to do and what not to do for people in crisis. While Job was definitely not a teenager when he experienced his crisis, I believe the principles and insights gained from examining his crisis and the response of his “counselors” serves as a universal guide on how to effectively minister to people of all ages who find themselves in the midst of a crisis. “A crisis is any event or series of circumstances which threatens a person’s well-being and interferes with his routine of daily living.”[1]
What counseling insights do we learn from the book of Job? Much of what we learn stems from what he needed from his counselor-friends versus what they gave him instead.
We see in Job 1:1; 10:7; 27:5 that Job needed for his counselors to treat him with dignity, as a man of integrity, even though he found himself in the midst of a serious crisis and great personal pain. But his counselors’ theology would not allow them to give him the respect that he desperately needed in this crisis. From their standpoint, if a man was suffering as much as Job was, it had to be the punishment of God (4:7-8; 11; 6; 22:5). Their counsel was to try and get Job to acknowledge his sin, but when Job continually proclaimed his innocence they became angry with him.
“Their counsel was to try and get Job to acknowledge his sin, but when Job continually proclaimed his innocence they became angry with him.”
This is a difficult issue because it is true that sometimes a person’s pain is the direct result of sin. The plagues on Egypt were sent by God to punish Pharaoh and the Egyptian people because of the hardness of Pharaoh’s heart. God decreed to the Israelites if they would be obedient to him that he would not bring on them any of the diseases that he brought on Egypt (Exodus 15:26). When King Jeroboam stretched out his hand to give the command to seize the man of God who had prophesied against him, God caused his hand to shrivel up so that he couldn’t pull it back (1 Kings 13:4).
Galatians 6:7 says, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows” (NIV). A person who abuses alcohol and ends up dying with cirrhosis of the liver has brought this upon himself through his sin. The woman who loses her home, family and respect of her friends because of her involvement in an extramarital affair is reaping what she sowed. In all of these cases, it would be correct to try and bring the counselee to a place of repentance and to take responsibility for their actions. However, the danger is in always assuming that a person’s pain is the direct result of personal sin.
In John 9:1-3 the disciples came upon a man who was blind from birth. They asked Jesus, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus replied, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him” (NIV).
“The danger is in always assuming that a person’s pain is the direct result of personal sin.”
In Luke 13:1-5 the people were telling Jesus about the Galileans who had been killed by Pilate in the middle of offering their sacrifices. The people assumed that since these men were killed in the very act of worship that somehow, they were greater sinners than anyone else. But Jesus refuted their assumption. Jesus also brought up the incident of the tower of Siloam falling over and killing eighteen people. He said that these people were not any more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem at the time.
So, what insights does the youth counselor learn from all of this? The most important is that we must treat every teenager who comes to us with a problem with great dignity and respect. It is not our job to judge and to try and determine whether or not the teen deserves what they are experiencing or if they have brought it upon themselves. The counselor must come alongside of the teenager and accept the young person as they are and extend unconditional love. By honoring the teen in this way, it will establish a foundation of trust that will allow the teen to be transparent and welcoming to the involvement of the counselor in their life.
“Loss is one of the most difficult, painful and psychologically disruptive experiences that everyone will encounter.”[2] In Job 1:18-20 Job needed people who understood the depth of his pain at losing his entire family. Job tore his robe and shaved his head which was his culture’s way of expressing profound grief and sorrow. Instead of comforting Job in his grief, Job’s counselor suggested that the tragedy that happened to his children was brought on by their own sin (8:4). Placing blame does not bring about healing. It is especially damaging when the counselor is wrong in their assessment!
“Placing blame does not bring about healing.”
There may be a time and place in counseling for confrontation and accountability, but not when the sting of sorrow is fresh and the grief at losing everything is still overwhelming. The sensitive youth counselor knows when genuine empathy is called for and will offer it graciously to the hurting teen.
In 2:11 Job’s three friends hear about his troubles and set out to meet with him in order to sympathize and comfort him. What Job needed was the support and presence of his friends. There is a saying that says: “Shared sorrow is half sorrow. Shared joy is double joy.” When a teenager is going through a rough time, such as the divorce of his parents or the death of a grandparent, he needs to be surrounded by caring friends and adults. Even though nothing can be done to change the situation, just the presence of concerned people makes the grief easier to bear.
When Job’s friends saw the depth of his despair, they wept aloud, tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. They sat in silence with him for seven days and nights. Some people might think that his friends failed him because they didn’t do or say anything. The truth is just the opposite. Job’s friends communicated accurate empathy in the culturally acceptable manner. Just their presence was a comfort to Job. They didn’t have to say anything or do anything. In fact, there was nothing they could say or do which would actually change the situation. The most loving thing they could do was to try and share the experience with him. Understand as a counselor, you do not have to talk all the time or “have the answers.” Sometimes your presence is all the teen needs to gain strength and courage to face the difficult days to come.
“Sometimes your presence is all the teen needs to gain strength and courage to face the difficult days to come.”
Job is so devastated by his loss that he wishes he had never been born (3:3, 11). This is another way of expressing deep grief and sorrow. He needed empathy and understanding but what he received from his counselor was a stern rebuke (4:5-6). He was told to “buck up and take it like a man!”
In 6:14 Job pleads for unconditional love to be given to him. He argues that a true friend will remain devoted to another even if one is in such despair that he gives up on God. But what Job received from his counselors was conditional acceptance. He called them “fair-weather friends” (6:15-17).
If you are involved in youth ministry for any time at all, it won’t be long before you see some students who “crash and burn.” It may be drugs, alcohol, crime, premarital sex or homosexuality that causes them to drop out. What I have noticed in my years of ministry is that it is rarely a sudden and unforeseen event. Youth workers and peers can usually see it coming. The sad thing is that as they see it coming they begin to remove themselves from the life of the teen who is struggling. It is a judgmental attitude that says, “Unless you are good enough and keep it together I won’t hang around with you.”
The youth counselor who is wise knows that offering unconditional love does not mean approval of all the choices that a struggling teen makes, but simply that they are going to model the same kind of attitude that God displays towards lost and struggling people (Romans 5:6-8).
[1] Gary Collins, How to Be a People Helper (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1976), p. 71.
[2] Keith Olson, Counseling Teenagers (Loveland, CO: Group Books, 1984), p. 485.
Excerpted from Gary Zustiak, Intensive Care: A Manual for Nonprofessionals Who Work with Hurting and Broken Youth. Used with permission.
