It is an honor to be invited to someone’s wedding. It speaks to trust, love, loyalty, and friendship. It means those who invited you value your relationship and want you to celebrate with them in their special life event. But if the invitation comes from a gay couple, should you, a Christian, accept it? The matter only becomes more confusing if the invitation comes from a family member.
Some say yes.
Some would argue that a Christian should attend. If our goal is to eventually bring these people to Jesus, how can we do that if our friends or family feel slighted and offended by our absence in one of their life’s biggest moments? Are we destroying the relationship we’ve worked so hard to build? Our absence would speak louder than our presence. Besides, refusing would mean not imitating Jesus, a friend of sinners who showed his love and acceptance by sharing life with them (see Matthew 11:19; Luke 7:34; Matthew 9:10–17; Mark 2:15–22).
Some say no.
Others would argue, however, that while Jesus certainly ate with sinners—a characteristic of Christ we must all emulate as we accept people even though we disapprove of how they live—that does not mean Jesus would have gotten up from the table to join them at an event celebrating sin.
Of course, Christ wouldn’t have been a jerk about it. He probably would have politely declined, thanking them for the consideration, but going on to explain that because gay marriage is not in line with God’s will for their lives, he in good conscience could not accept the invitation. He might kindly explain that he would be happy to join them again after the event, that he values their friendship and does love them, but no thanks.
A related question is, when one attends a wedding, does it show unspoken approval? The very fact you are in the audience means you are offering your endorsement; why else would you be there? At least, this is what would be communicated by your appearance. For these reasons, some argue a Christian should not accept the invitation.
“The very fact you are in the audience means you are offering your endorsement; why else would you be there?”
Two sides of the same coin: Who’s right?
When an issue is not clearly laid out in Scripture, we must look at the related biblical principles and then prayerfully land on a position in which each person is fully persuaded. Paul says in Romans 14:5 (NIV), “One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind.”
If you decide that it would be unwise for you to attend a same-sex wedding, you ought to follow your conscience before God. It will also be important to be mindful that, whereas this might be the correct answer for you, not everyone will arrive at the same conclusion. We want to honor and respect the outcome of our brothers’ and sisters’ wrestling with God, especially regarding such complex topics.
If you decide not to attend a same-sex wedding, I encourage you to communicate this to your friends in a loving, upfront way that leaves the bridge of love, respect, and communication open. Ultimately, we want our friends and loved ones to know that our faith does not negate our love for them but fuels it.
“If you decide not to attend a same-sex wedding, I encourage you to communicate this to your friends in a loving, upfront way that leaves the bridge of love, respect, and communication open.”
Words of caution
If you conclude that you will attend, I caution you. You cannot use the same celebratory language at a gay ceremony as you would at a typical wedding, such as, “Congratulations! We’re so happy for you!” 
How can a Christian express praise and good wishes to people who, through gay marriage, have only made it more difficult for them to someday be in a saving relationship with God? You would need to find celebratory language that celebrates them as human beings, speaking to qualities and attributes of their character you appreciate, without rejoicing that they are only distancing themselves further from God’s will for their lives.
For parents and siblings
Things become more complicated if the invitation comes from your child or sibling. I know parents who have staunchly refused to attend their gay child’s wedding. They argue that it is not unloving but the most loving thing they can do. Fulfillment through homosexuality is simply one of the many lies Satan has told to pull their child away from God. How could a loving Christian parent participate in such a thing at any level?
Other parents, even though they are heartbroken, feel they must attend the wedding to help maintain a loving relationship with their son or daughter and their new spouse. I fully understand the tension here and respect both sides.
“Things become more complicated if the invitation comes from your child or sibling.”
For those deciding not to go, I want to delicately offer this thought for your consideration; sometimes, the relationship is more important than your point. Your child or sibling would already be fully aware of your Christian convictions. Over the years, you would have had many conversations expressing your concerns and God’s stance. Now that your child is an adult, is it wise to keep hammering home a point that has already been made many times over, only distancing yourself from your child or sibling? Could it not be time to consider switching tactics and trying a new strategy, primarily focusing on the relationship rather than repeating your point?
No matter what you decide, I pray your child or sibling will know you are not against them but for them—and for God.
