I’ll never forget a story I heard once about a father who had to stay late in the office to finish up some work. He felt so guilty about the extra hours away from his family that he wanted to make up for it when he got home. On the drive he put on an old playlist, and his thoughts were filled with memories of his wife. The moment he walked through the front door, he greeted her with a passionate kiss and then swept up his children in his arms. Even though there was only an hour left before bedtime, he spent every second of it playing with his children. When he tucked his oldest son in for the night, the boy asked his father, “Daddy, could you come home late from work every night?”
The truth is, even on the days we don’t have to stay late at work, we often bring work home with us in our heads. We barge through the front door flustered and annoyed. Hours slip by on our phone or in front of the TV while our children play in the background. We can’t remember the last time we actually lay on our children’s beds to read books and pray together. And all the while, our spouse bears the brunt of our distraction and frustration. Deep down we want to give our families the best of ourselves, but so often they get the leftovers.
Coming Home
My counselor told me that two of the most important moments with your family every day are when you come home and when you go to bed. How you come home matters. What’s the first thing you say when you walk through the door after work?
When we create rhythms and rituals of intentionality around these key transitions, it can make a world of difference in our homes. Slowing down to connect with your spouse communicates they are loved and you are in this together. Jumping into a quick game with your children tells them you’re never too busy for them.
How can you use your commute from work to prepare to come home well each day?
The song that does it for me every time is “Me and Mine,” by Dashboard Confessional. I dare you to listen to it and not get choked up. Find an old playlist, say a prayer, switch on “do not disturb” on your phone, leave your work behind, and prepare to walk through that front door and let your family know what is most important to you.
If you pick your kids up from school, try turning off the radio, asking an open-ended question, and then actually listening. Don’t let the backseat DVD player steal away these precious moments together.
“How can you use your commute from work to prepare to come home well each day?”
Going to Bed
What’s the last thing you do before your children go to bed? Our bedtime routine begins hours before the kids are tucked under the covers. After dinner, we take the whole crew on a family walk. This is great for your kids to get that last bit of energy out (and for you to get the rest of your steps in!). We all head down to a neighborhood park or a field to throw a frisbee around. In the winter, we might play a board game. It really doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do it together.
I’ve noticed that in those times when we are walking or playing with each other, our children just start talking. (If you really want to know what’s going on in a child’s mind, play with them!)
Then we’ll get them changed and cleaned up (rinse, wash, repeat!). Now comes the important part. Instead of dismissing our boys to their beds, my wife and I will join them on their beds. They each get to choose a book, and we always finish by reading out of their storybook Bible. Afterward we spend a few minutes praying together.
“If you really want to know what’s going on in a child’s mind, play with them!”
It’s important to us that everyone shares something during this time. If you need some ideas for ways to pray with your children, check out this article. Bedtime can be a scary time for kids of all ages. Littles are left alone in the dark, and teens are left alone with their thoughts (which is worse?!). Prayer is a powerful weapon against fear, and as such, we take time to pray on the Armor of God every single night.
We’ve seen so much value in making bedtime routines intentional that we now train our leaders to do this at our youth camps. I’m not kidding! We equip our leaders with questions and stories for bunk time. It turns out, even teens appreciate a good bedtime story. Kids learn more about a parent’s heart and values at bedtime than any other hour of the day.
Sacred Spaces
Make a commitment to these sacred spaces.
Take a moment before you open the front door and whisper a quick prayer.
Jump into a game with your kiddos instead of jumping into the chores.
Read to your children. Tell them a story. Ask a question. Pray together.
These are the moments that matter most.
Here’s the best part: you already have everything you need. No new curriculum. No special trip. No parenting degree. Just your presence. Just your voice. Just your time.
Your family doesn’t need all of you, all the time. But they do need the best of you, at the right times.
“Your family doesn’t need all of you, all the time. But they do need the best of you, at the right times.”
And those right times?
They’re usually right when you walk through the door…
and right before they fall asleep.
