One of the more charming elements of the modern workplace is the conducive environment it provides for comparing yourself to others. Sometimes it feels like we are all in one big cage match, competing with one another for jobs, status, resources, and promotions. As a result, we feel compelled to continually check out one another’s progress. We need to know how much of the boss’s attention we’re getting or how fast our career is advancing compared to our peers. There’s a built-in incentive to continually check the rearview mirror—or heaven forbid, look ahead—to see where everyone else is.
As if I need any more incentive to do that.
I’m constantly comparing myself to others. Who’s up? Who’s down? Who got to add headcount in their department? Who sat at the same table as the regional director at the company picnic? Who wiped out with a gaffe-filled presentation to the board of directors? Every little thing is a potential metric by which I can compare myself to others. And the worse the metric makes them look compared to me, well, giddy up.
Accumulation Anticipation
My tendency to contrast my situation with others’ is in full force on the topic of “stuff.” I am always keenly aware of what other people have relative to me. I have been officially diagnosed with an ailment called ECE: Excessively Covetous Eyesight. I want what I don’t have. If someone else has it, I want it twice as much. Unfortunately, at last count, I believe I’m one of about eight billion people worldwide afflicted with this ailment.
It’s particularly telling that I usually don’t want something until I see that someone else has it. I didn’t realize I needed an array of computer monitors on my desk until I saw a coworker with more screens than Best Buy. I never knew I needed a flashy luxury sports car until another friend got one. It was so quiet! So clean! The windows rolled down without a crank! I tried to convince my wife that my ancient car was long overdue for replacement. She countered with similar concerns that her husband, much older than his car, was also looking rough around the edges and probably should be traded up.
I backed off. She plays dirty.
“I usually don’t want something until I see that someone else has it.”
Comparing Careers
My tendency to compare myself to others is in full bloom at work. Given how incredibly important my career is to me (yes, I know what an idol is—this is nothing like that, and I’m embarrassed for you that you brought it up), it’s not surprising to me that I spend so much time contrasting my progress relative to others. There are so many scales by which I measure my standing. I check out my title, my position, the prominence of my department in the year-end accomplishments report. I don’t have access to other people’s salaries (the data revealed in the painful Salary Memo Incident of 2014 has gotten quite dated), so I have to look for clues, such as the cars they drive, the clothes they wear, or the vacations they take. Of course, the major area in which I compare myself to others is how fast and how far my career is moving ahead compared to theirs. How long were they in their job before they got promoted? How many salary levels is my position ahead of theirs? What’s their title? Their supervisor’s title?
Let me be clear: I am not proud of this. It’s gritty, unseemly, and gauche. The fact that I know this and do it anyway probably doesn’t make me look very good in your eyes. Unfortunately, if that’s the case, I think you have pretty good eyesight.
A Better Biblical Model
Not surprisingly, Jesus had some words about our tendency to compare ourselves to others. One of the most frustrating (to me, at least) is in the illustration he shared in Matthew 20. It’s often called the parable of the workers in the vineyard, but I’ve always preferred to call it “the parable of the crazy farmer.”
Jesus says the kingdom of heaven is like a farmer who went out to hire workers to work in the vineyard. He hired workers at nine in the morning and promised them a fair wage. He did the same to groups of workers at noon, at 3:00 p.m., and finally at 5:00 p.m. But when it came time to pay the workers, he paid them all the same amount. As I expect I would have done, the workers who worked all day had a hissy fit. Why should the guys who worked only a fraction of the time get paid the same as the guys who worked all day?
The landowner defends his actions because the agreement he had with the earlier hires was fair in their eyes when they were hired.
But he answered one of them,
“I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?” (Matthew 20:13–15, NIV)
Aside from the important lesson about heaven, the parable illustrates the human tendency to be happy with our lot until we have the rude realization that someone else got better treatment than we did.
“The parable illustrates the human tendency to be happy with our lot until we have the rude realization that someone else got better treatment than we did.”
That story was always tough for me to hear, but I was seriously convicted when I read the exchange between Peter and Jesus at the end of John 21. On the heels of Jesus’ compassionate response to Peter’s betrayal, culminating with Jesus’ description of how Peter’s death will glorify God and his command to Peter to follow him, Peter should have been filled with such humility and awe that he could do little more than stand and stammer. But probably because he was human, Peter sees John, goes down the path to comparing himself, and says, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus is pretty frank in his response. “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me” (John 21:22, NIV).
That story stops me in my tracks. If I ever hear Jesus say to me, “What is that to you?”, I anticipate that I will feel appropriately reprimanded. If there is ever a phrase to cause me to revisit and promptly suspend my tendency to compare myself to others, I’m thinking that might be it.
A New Yardstick
Rather than looking externally for a measurement, we have the opportunity to focus on our own work. Paul makes that point to the Galatians when he encourages them to carry one another’s burdens, check their attitudes, and do good to others. “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load” (Galatians 6:4–5, NIV).
The New American Standard Bible translates the phrase as “each one must examine his own work.” Our work can be the gauge by which we measure our progress individually, rather than contrasting it with others.
While I certainly have felt discouraged at times by the work towering over me, I also have found times of joy doing my job. It generally happens when the task I am doing is fulfilling, creative, and aligns with my skills. I’m energized when the quality of my work is good, when I have worked really hard and produced a really good result. There is great fulfillment in using the gifts we are given in the world of work. It is an opportunity to be in the “zone,” doing what we were made to do. It’s at those times when I connect with the concept of work as a form of worship. My prayer is that everyone finds those opportunities in their workdays.
“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
Work to Serve Others
I also feel it when I can see, or at least imagine, how the work I’m doing will benefit the person at the end of the transaction. I have always found that work becomes more gratifying the more I can connect it to the people who benefit from my labor. Seeing how the communications I produce help a customer better navigate her interactions with my company, for instance, is a small way that I have made things better for her. I’m sometimes kind of taken aback when I see that happen, because it’s easy to forget how our work impacts others when we get caught up in the day-to-day routine.
But I also have to make sure I don’t fall for the false benefit of others’ praise. Doing work that is intrinsically valuable provides a benefit inherent in the work, a natural product of applying my skills to produce quality work. That’s a different measure of performance than counting the volume of praise people give me for my work. Don’t get me wrong, I get a rush when someone compliments my work. But I also recognize that the reward of praise appeals to my ego. It can distort my view of myself. And it just perpetuates that tendency I have to compare myself to others. “I can’t help but notice that I got praised. What did you get?”
Satisfied Where We Are
There’s another state of mind that tamps down my tendency to compare myself to others. It’s elusive for me, but very pleasing when I capture it. It’s called contentment.
Contentment is yet another concept I don’t think is part of the typical MBA track. I think of it as finding peace or satisfaction with your current state. It’s a rare thing in our world. Achieving contentment may not be possible on our own. It requires relying on a preeminent relationship with Jesus to realign the priorities of your current situation and feel satisfied. The word I like even better is fulfilled. When I imagine being fulfilled, I imagine all the space I have for desires filled full with something that doesn’t wear out, run out, or get lost.
While I think it requires holy help to find contentment, there are things we can do to help spur it along. The first is to stop consciously checking to see what others have. Maybe that’s stepping back from social media, or over-the-top television shows or videos that highlight a lifestyle no one really needs. I’ve gotten better at that as I learn to recognize that all people have different priorities and interests. Comparing myself to them is just not useful.
The second technique to foster contentment is to practice gratitude. Yes, there are a lot of things I don’t have. But there are also a lot of things I do have, both material and nonmaterial: relationships, abilities, circumstances. Shifting my focus to the blessings I have helps prevent my tendency to look around to see what others have that I might want. It may seem silly to stop and list the blessings I have received, but it is a powerful reminder to see how much there is on the list.
“It may seem silly to stop and list the blessings I have received, but it is a powerful reminder to see how much there is on the list.”
A third element of fostering contentment is forcing myself to look beyond my superficial interactions with others to see the full view of their lives. Instead of looking at what they have or where their careers are going, it helps to truly engage with others. It doesn’t take long to see that they are facing challenges, setbacks, and frustrations that may be the same, may be less, or may be more than what I’m dealing with. As we see others as fellow travelers who also need the Good News in their lives, perhaps it will reduce the feeling we have to outrun them to grab what we don’t have.
There’s an internet meme I really relish at this stage in my life. Rather than struggle with FOMO, the Fear of Missing Out, I’m drawn to JOMO, the Joy of Missing Out. It’s feeling content with laying low and disconnecting rather than being afraid to miss something. I love the idea of getting as much of a dopamine rush from not rushing after something as I would from pursuing something.
The author of Hebrews reminds his readers that we have a treasure that doesn’t require us to run or strive or worry. “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5, NIV).
My wise grandmother had it right when she said, “A true blessing is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.”
Of course, that was easy for her to say.
She drove a sports car.
Excerpted from Tom Petersen, Thank God It’s Monday (?): Balancing Work and Faith While Keeping Your Sense of Humor. Used with permission.
