Recently, I was shopping around for a new car (and by new, I mean used, but new to me). I am not much of a car guy, but it was pretty clear from the beginning that not every make and model of car is created equal, and the price often reflects that. As I began asking around, so many people pointed me towards Toyota vehicles because they last for so long. I finally stumbled across a 2010 Toyota Camry with only 110k miles and felt like I had hit the jackpot for what I needed (sorry, Ford fans).
As a college minister, I spend a couple hours each week meeting with disciple making groups to encourage, coach, and hear their stories (click here if you want to know more about these groups). I love getting to see their passion for the Lord and hear their stories about how they have been encouraging each other to grow in Him and His mission.
During these conversations over the past semester, though, I started to see that—like cars—there are all different makes and models of disciple making groups as well.
I began recognizing patterns in my conversations with these groups. Many of the ones who are experiencing the most transformation have some common practices they have chosen to focus on. On the other hand, groups who have been struggling are often the ones forgetting or neglecting some of these important ingredients.
“Groups who have been struggling are often the ones forgetting or neglecting some of these important ingredients.”
As I have started to notice these transformational practices, I have also started to see more clearly why these disciple making groups are so valuable for the church. When we look at these seven key ingredients, the reality is that these simply aren’t being practiced through sitting in a large (or even small!) crowd in a pew on Sunday morning. These things happen best in environments of intentional, relational discipleship.
Whether you implement four-person disciple making groups at your church or not, we should each consider how we might live out these ingredients with others so that we can be growing as disciples and disciple makers.
These are practices of disciple making groups that are of the TOP MAKE and model (yes, it’s a bad acronym, but it’s how my brain works and makes it more reproducible as we train trainers):
- Transparency
- Obedience to Scripture
- Prayer and Fasting
- Multiplication
- Abiding with God and each other
- Kingdom Doings
- Evangelism
1. Transparency
Every group starts out with transparency by each sharing their testimony or spiritual autobiography with one another. They share the highs and lows of life and how God has worked in those things. For some, this is the most real they have ever been with anyone.
However, not every group keeps this level of transparency. Some, by default, return to having group times filled with good Bible study but devoid of spiritual authenticity. When this happens, members rarely see real transformation because they aren’t willing to open up their lives to each other.
There are those groups, though, that grow even deeper in transparency with one another. They confess sins, even as they also share their hopes and dreams. They don’t forget one another’s stories as they check in with how they can love one another better. They study the Word, and they make sure to share how it is speaking into their current life circumstances. These transparent groups are often the ones experiencing real transformation.
“Every group starts out with transparency by each sharing their testimony or spiritual autobiography with one another.”
2. Obedience to Scripture
In any disciple making relationship, God’s Word must be at the center if there is going to be transformation. Groups can be transparent and love one another well, but if they are not consistently coming back to Scripture, they are not likely to experience growth as Jesus desires.
At the same time, just because the Bible is opened does not immediately mean that we will be transformed. We must be careful that we do not approach Scripture just for more information; ultimately, becoming disciples of Jesus is about transformation and application of the Word.
Groups who practice weekly “commitments” of one small way to obey the Scripture of the week point to that practice as the most powerful aspect of their group. They don’t try to do too much, but they make one small, specific goal of how they can obey God that week and then help each other live it out. As they make this a weekly rhythm, they look back over time and see how God has used His Word and each other to slowly change their hearts and lives.
3. Prayer and Fasting
This may be the most important practice as well as the easiest to neglect. At the beginning of nearly all the New Testament letters he wrote, we see how consistently Paul is praying for those he has discipled. We also must be praying for those we are discipling if we want to see growth.
But as we walk alongside each other, it’s more than just praying for each other. It’s also important to pray with each other. Devote time in the meeting to praying aloud together. Pray together for the mission of God and how we can share Jesus with our circles. One men’s group told me they end every meeting by getting on their knees and praying together—they value prayer.
Spend time fasting together as a group and watch how God uses that time to mold you. When I think back to times when I was challenged to fast with those I was being discipled by and discipling, those are some of the most impactful times for my spiritual walk. In those times, I learned a deeper reliance on God and how that can become a spiritual rhythm.
“Devote time in the meeting to praying aloud together.”
4. Multiplication
One of my favorite aspects of these 4-person disciple making groups is that they are designed for multiplication. From the beginning, we share that we are going to be praying and working toward multiplying 2×2 after a year to a year and a half. Not every group multiplies, and that is to be expected. But groups who consistently cast a vision for multiplication often are the healthiest and are more driven to live on mission. They see the long-term vision. For this reason, many of the healthiest groups we see are second- or third-generation groups.
When I look at our churches, I see so many good things happening. However, very few of those good things (if any) are actually built to multiply. We encourage our students to start these groups because they begin to practice a tool that can multiply to have an impact far beyond what they could do working by themselves. As they graduate and go throughout the world, these young men and women can have a mustard-seed-like impact on their churches, workplaces, and communities.
5. Abiding with God and each other
When we look at healthy groups, we often hear how the individuals within it are growing in their time alone with the Lord. Something about being together with one another is shaping their time with the Father as they learn how to hear from Him through His Word and be with Him in prayer.
In many ways, this is closely connected to how healthy groups are abiding with each other. They see each other more than just once a week for an hour. This is certainly easier for college students living in dorms than it is for adults, but it is nevertheless an important aspect of growth. When we look at Jesus with the Twelve, it is hard to imagine the level of impact that came through time simply spent together. Discipleship is caught more than taught, so we must be with one another in everyday life.
“When we look at Jesus with the Twelve, it is hard to imagine the level of impact that came through time simply spent together.”
6. Kingdom Doings
In Jesus’ ministry and with his disciples, we see him teaching about the Kingdom, but we also see him living it out through healing the sick, casting out demons, and loving the lowly. There was a rhythm in his disciple making that was more than just teaching: his disciples learned by regularly doing Kingdom things with Jesus.
So, these disciple making groups often work on a rhythm: 2-3 weeks are spent in the Word together, then they have a week where they do a “Kingdom Doing.” This can be anything where they are living out the principles of the Kingdom, and each group gets creative. Some groups go on evangelistic prayer walks together, sometimes groups will serve an elderly neighbor, or maybe they will just eat together and leave a nice tip for their server.
From my conversations, I have found that groups who do these well are often the closest and tend to be more mission-minded. One group recently told me they went door-knocking to ask if they could pray for people. They all admitted they were nervous beforehand, but then all said it was their favorite part of their group so far. Another group went to a laundry mat to pay for someone’s laundry, then had a 45-minute conversation with them about life and Jesus. While these kingdom doings take more effort to schedule and plan, they often lead to the best memories and create kingdom opportunities.
“While these kingdom doings take more effort to schedule and plan, they often lead to the best memories and create kingdom opportunities.”
7. Evangelism
A couple years ago, we found that students were growing in their own faith, but few felt more equipped as disciple makers through these groups. Thankfully, that is changing. Our students are now sharing stories of how they are encouraging one another to be bold and share their 15-second testimony with others. Sometimes, they go places and meet strangers, and other times they challenge each other to have intentional conversations with their friends.
Some groups have worked evangelism into the way they hold one another accountable. They will often share their “oikos maps” with one another and join in prayer for the lost in each other’s lives. Then, they are able to share stories of how God is working in the lives of their lost friends. These groups are helping them become disciple makers.
Recently, there was a girl who was baptized as a result of studying with her disciple making group. Then, a girl in a different group shared that she had no idea this newly-baptized friend had been part of a group, but she had been praying for her to know Jesus for over six months! Stories like this show how these groups are cultivating an environment of evangelism and disciple making.
“Some groups have worked evangelism into the way they hold one another accountable.”
Where do we go from here?
As I have been recognizing these seven important practices of the healthiest disciple making groups, I have been challenged in my own life. Am I living out these principles in my disciple making relationships with others?
While I don’t know of any group who does all seven of these really well, I believe that the more of these values we can incorporate into our disciple making, the more we will see ourselves and others being transformed to be greater disciples and disciple makers for King Jesus.
Perhaps we should each begin by assessing which one of these we most need to grow in and then commit to practicing that value over the next few weeks in our disciple making group or any discipling relationship.
Let’s not settle for being just any make and model of a disciple maker. Let’s be the TOP MAKE.
One Response
I really appreciated this article and its emphasis on transparency, which is often overlooked in our efforts to create genuine community. It is a helpful reminder that discipleship involves much more than a transfer of information. One thought that came to mind as I read is that many of us have been shaped—and sometimes malformed—by experiences of rejection, shame, neglect, failure, and other wounds from life in a fallen world. Part of discipleship, then, is not only teaching truth but offering one another a different experience: being known rather than hidden, accepted rather than rejected, and loved as Christ has loved us.
People are often transformed not simply by hearing about grace, but by experiencing it relationally, and experientially, not just rationally. One area that might be interesting to explore further is how leaders can cultivate these kinds of environments.
What skills, practices, and relational capacities help create spaces where people feel safe enough to be known and where the grace of God can be experienced through authentic Christian community? Overall, I found this to be a thoughtful and helpful contribution to the conversation about disciple-making.