After being part of the traditional American church model for over 40 years, we got moved by COVID into the backyard with our neighbors. While new people continued to show up in the yard (masked up and sitting far apart), the church I was preaching at began live gatherings again. I found myself in two gatherings on Sunday!
After much prayer and inviting others to pray and discern with us, I decided to resign from traditional ministry to pursue meeting in homes.
We made this move for a few simple reasons: 1) we had previously unchurched people coming who would need to find a new church if we stopped, 2) we were seeing the fruit of the gathering in profound ways we hadn’t seen before, and 3) the way God kept answering the big, bold prayers just kept us saying “yes” to the invitations we were receiving.
Now, over six years in, I have spent some time reflecting on some of the lessons we learned along the way that might be beneficial to a few other people out there. And here they are:
#1 – We have learned the power of small.
Fewer people means higher participation and higher participation means potentially more transformation and maturation. People are more likely to share with smaller numbers. It is a safer space to be transparent. Small means a higher percentage of participation each week. It is hard to spectate in a small gathering in a living room or in a backyard.
In the traditional church model, I would notice something over and over again, and maybe you have noticed it too. If we had a Bible class or small group where few people showed up that week, I would feel disappointed, as if maybe I messed something up! But we also noticed in those weeks where only a handful of people showed up instead of 20 or 30, the sharing was rich and the time was so well spent! We were sometimes glad not everyone showed up because the time was truly special.
It is a general principle, not a law, that when you have fewer people there are opportunities that exist that are harder to achieve with more people in the room. So, leverage small wherever you can and don’t count it as defeat! Celebrate it! Some of Jesus’ most important moments were with Peter, James, and John and not with the crowds. The crowds can still be important, but they certainly aren’t everything.
“Some of Jesus’ most important moments were with Peter, James, and John and not with the crowds.”
#2 – Lower the control.
Small allows leadership to decrease control over the gathering. In a huge gathering, there is a greater need to control the elements of who is doing what. We learned that it was harder to see God move when we had orchestrated the gathering to run smoothly. This is because when it ran smoothly, that was what was planned. It is easier to see the Spirit move when we control things less.
There are Sundays we don’t actually have a set order. I didn’t say we are unprepared, just not ordered. It is usually the last Sunday of the month. We let the Spirit order things by showing up together on Sunday without assignments of who is doing what. We tell people to come prepared to participate (1 Corinthians 14:26) so that each person has something to offer. The first time we did this, three people brought the same verse! The statistical probability of that is nearly impossible. That’s God moving! So, we spent more time asking why God wanted each of us to hear that verse that morning.
There are other times when someone shares a need or testimony or answered prayer and they end up in tears. Everything stops. It doesn’t matter if we “run long” because we are going to attend to this person, encourage them, and pray with them. God helped set the agenda in a way we would have had no way of knowing was needed. Some weeks we don’t even get to the official Bible study time because of all the encouragement and support that is needed that week.
“In a huge gathering, there is a greater need to control the elements of who is doing what.”
When we set the agenda, there are needs we miss because we aren’t aware of them until they have opportunity to present. But when we loosen the control, we get to see God move and set the order of things and it always turns out better! 
This loosening of control doesn’t have to be just a home church thing; it can easily be accomplished in a small group or Bible class. This could also be encouraged in a larger gathering by having some more open time where people share with those around them…although, that is an introvert’s nightmare!
#3 – Church is messy.
High control reduces the messiness. We often want people to come into a well-polished assembly that is more or less comfortable. But the real transformation often happens in the midst of mess. This is when you get into the nitty gritty of the lives of others…and even of yourself!
Allow people to try and fail. That’s just part of the messiness of growth! And a congregation that is mature enough to applaud the effort over the polish is a real blessing.
While we don’t want to manufacture an artificial mess just to make a point, we can foster a culture where the mess is welcomed, held with great care, love, and respect, and then shepherded in a gentle way.
I thought traditional church ministry put me in some weird situations, but home church has been another level. And it has left me wondering at times if we just have extra messy people or if these things were always going on but people didn’t want to open up about it. I think it is the second! We must have spaces where we’re honest about our messiness.
“We must have spaces where we’re honest about our messiness.”
#4 – No stress in the gathering.
The church gathering should be life giving, but I can tell you as someone who was on staff in traditional churches for almost twenty years, Sunday morning can be stressful! We decided in home church that we were done with stress when we gather. If something messes up, we don’t care anymore because at least they tried.
There was one Sunday we forgot to bring communion! While that is very important to me, my old mindset kicked in with, “Oh no…this isn’t going to go well! We can’t not have communion…people will be upset!” Then I calmed down and figured God could work it out. And guess what: someone else randomly brought it even though it was my job that week! Another opportunity to see God working in our midst. God already has it worked out…so don’t stress!
And that means people need to learn to be kind and patient. Maybe our high control prevents some maturation by protecting people from being confronted by discomfort. As one example, many churches don’t really encourage participation of the kids “up on the stage” because there is a certain level of expectation required to be up there. But when you reduce the expectations and refuse to be stressed or anxious, it opens the door for the less experienced to try things—and then they buy in and grow! This sort of thinking can help solve the problem of kids dropping out at 18.
“This sort of thinking can help solve the problem of kids dropping out at 18.”
#5 – Engage the kids as much as possible.
This could be paired with the value of intergenerational ministry. My friend Eric once said, “Any church with a viable youth ministry has two churches meeting under one roof.” I think he is right. The silent message on Sunday is that the stage is for adults. And that is because control is high, which is because performance value is high (refer back to #3 and #4 for solutions for that!).
So, we involve our kids in every aspect of what we do. We do send the kids out for a short lesson time, but even that is taught by older teens. They are intentionally being equipped as they are involved each week in the life of the church.
One Sunday after the lesson, I asked for prayer requests. One boy who was about seven at the time raised his hand. Some backstory: This young man had transitioned from home school to public school the year before and had a hard time that year. We all knew what time his school drop off was and as a church would pray for him at that time. Well, everything changed that year for him. He went from running away from teachers in the car line (around the cars) to being student of the month! It was quite the transformation.
“We involve our kids in every aspect of what we do.”
Back to asking for prayers: I asked for prayers and the seven-year-old spoke up and asked for prayers for his teacher from that previous year. He said she was going to have a baby and probably had had the baby by now and that she already had one kid and that he was a big brother now. Could we pray for her? Now, normally I would ask him if he wanted to pray, but I slipped up and was about to pray myself when he said, “I want to pray for her.” He went on to say one of the kindest and sweetest prayers I have heard in a very long time!
He knew he was a part. He knew his voice was valued. There were no barriers to jump over. He belongs.
What can you do with all of this? I suggest you pray over the five items I mentioned and ask God if He has any adjustments in mind for your church. Ask Him to make those adjustments clear and actionable. And see what God does!
