Friendship is often overlooked in our culture, but in my opinion, it’s one of the most important relationships we can have because it is chosen. Family is often put on a pedestal, but it is obligatory; and romantic relationships are glorified and, well, romanticized. But friendship—that’s the sweet spot.
And Scripture seems to agree. Yes, there are obviously important verses about other relationships—about parents and children, siblings, masters and workers, leaders and followers, teachers and students.…But the Bible has much to say about friendship and understandably so; in both the Old and New Testaments, people were often ostracized for their beliefs, so Scripture teaches over and over again that those who believe should band together and strengthen each other, even calling each other familial terms to show how friends can become like family in the name of the Lord. Let’s dive in and take a look at what we can learn about friends from Scripture.
The most common word used in Scripture for friendship is the Hebrew word רֵעַ (rēaʿ), meaning friend, companion, or neighbor. In the New Testament, the most common Greek word for friendship is φίλος (philos), meaning friend or beloved one.
First, one aspect of friendship that makes it powerful is actually in the fact that friends can leave. As I mentioned, family is obligatory. In many cultures, it is considered shameful to neglect one’s family. But friends? They come and go! There are many instances in Scripture where people describe their grief or time of trouble by detailing how friends have abandoned them (Job 16:20-21; 19:13-22; Psalm 41:9; 55:12-14). Some places describe what can tear apart friendship, including dishonesty and gossip (Proverbs 16:28; 25:18), bringing up past offenses (Proverbs 17:9), and financial hardship (Proverbs 19:4-7).
“Scripture teaches over and over again that those who believe should band together and strengthen each other, even calling each other familial terms to show how friends can become like family in the name of the Lord.”
But Proverbs 27:10 has a direct command not to forsake friends; friends can leave but shouldn’t. In the New Testament, there are a few instances of a word that specifically refers to ironic friendship to describe such a situation, where a “friend” is not truly a friend: Matthew 20:13, 22:12, and most notably, 26:50, which is when Jesus says to Judas, “Friend, do what you came to do” as he is in the act of betraying Him.
So then what makes a good friend? Here is a selection of verses that share the qualities of a good friend. A good friend…
- shares (1 Samuel 30:26)
- prays for the other (Job 42:10; Psalm 122:8)
- “loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17)
- hangs out only with consent (Proverbs 25:17)
- shares good counsel (Proverbs 27:9)
- doesn’t irritate (Proverbs 27:14)
- mutually strengthens (Proverbs 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
- is obedient to the teachings of Jesus (John 15:14)
Here’s some more wisdom on what makes good friendships: Proverbs 18:24 teaches that the quantity of friends is not better than quality. And there is a verse in Proverbs that, interestingly, can be read two different ways—and though they both ring true, the two readings have different meanings. The verse is Proverbs 12:26 which is either translated as “One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor” (ESV) or “The righteous choose their friends carefully” (NIV). If it is the former translation, other verses agree that righteousness can aid friendship; Proverbs 22:11 says gracious speech and purity of heart do too. If it is the latter, many other verses echo that it is important to choose friends wisely, including Deuteronomy 13:6-8, Proverbs 13:20 and 22:24-25, and James 4:4. 
“The quantity of friends is not better than quality.”
The best teaching of what makes a good friend comes from Jesus Himself:
“Love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends.” (John 15:12-15, ESV)
Yes, it is possible to be friends with Jesus, and with God as well, as we see with Moses (Exodus 33:11), Job (29:4), and Abraham (James 2:23).
There are many examples we have of friends in Scripture: David and Jonathan, Jesus and Lazarus, the disciples, Paul and Barnabas, etc. But I want to end with looking at an interesting example of friendship in the book of Job.
Job’s “friends” Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar were not good friends. On the surface, they appear to be good friends; Job 2:11 says “they made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him” when catastrophe struck Job. They wept, grieving with him for seven days before saying anything (verses 12-13). But then they took turns explaining why he must have brought such hardship on himself, blaming him for the terrible things that happened to him, even after he told them that he did nothing wrong. And one of Job’s replies in 6:14 gives us a description of what good friends ought not to do, as his companions have: “He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty” (ESV), meaning that someone who, like Job’s friends, intentionally chooses not to help in a time of need gives up his respect for the Lord.
“It is possible to be friends with Jesus, and with God as well, as we see with Moses, Job, and Abraham.”
But what’s fascinating is what happens at the end of the story. In chapter 42, God rebukes Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar for speaking falsely about Him, but He says that they ought to offer sacrifices and have Job pray for them. It is this act, this praying for his friends, that leads to Job’s double blessings: “And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before” (42:7-10, ESV).
Even if our friends forsake us, even if they do leave, even if they are “friends” in name only, God will never stop being our friend; and just as Jesus set the example of sacrificing Himself for friends, if we continue to be good friends to others, we just might receive a double portion of blessings from the best Friend we have.
