If you have met me, chances are good that you also have met my ego.
It’s hard to miss. It usually dominates conversations, going on and on about its accomplishments, its brilliance, and how adept it is at parallel parking.
Since I retired, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my ego, an experience that is not always pleasant. My ego can be surly and petulant. And because retirement means my ego has lost access to so many things that typically fed it—job accolades, promotions, Marriott Hotel points—it is constantly looking for new forms of affirmation.
I think it’s harder to find those things in retirement. Bragging about grocery store couponing pales in comparison to the glory days of brilliant workplace insights (which were legion, as I recall).
Imposing a greater sense of discipline on my ego has become more urgent as I seek in retirement to worship God, grow my faith, and serve others. I had to put my foot down: God is number one and my ego is not. No matter how I describe my brilliant workplace insights, they don’t compare to what God can do.
It Doesn’t Matter Anymore
Given that background, it’s no wonder that I winced when I read a recent essay in the Wall Street Journal by Jennifer Breheny Wallace about “mattering.” Wallace was touting her book about our desire to matter in retirement. She made the case that while we plan for financial and physical well-being in retirement, we fail to address the need to feel “seen, useful, and capable of making a difference” in this new season.
I haven’t read her book. I fully agree that we experience a jarring change in how we define our value when we retire. But Wallace’s essay made me uneasy because I feel that too often, we pursue mattering to others primarily as a way to feed our own egos. Maybe I’m the only one who does this. But having spent the past couple of years trying to tame my ego, I’m overly vigilant about anything that looks like I’m looking for new ways to feed it.
“Too often, we pursue mattering to others primarily as a way to feed our own egos.”
Not the Same Thing
I also would caution anyone who is trying to replicate in retirement that same sense of value they got from work. I’m surprised how quickly that which I built over my years of work was suddenly, politely, no longer needed. My experience has been that retirement is a fast-track off the track of relevance to the co-workers, organizations, and industries we once served. By definition, retirees are a low-hanging distraction for the currently-employed to safely ignore.
And I think that’s actually good news. 
When we can convincingly say goodbye to scraping for a sense of value from our work, we can find our value in ways that are much more beneficial and soul-lifting. I encourage friends to embrace the possibilities of something much more rewarding in retirement, such as growing their faith. God already values you mightily; embrace and rejoice in it. And build from there.
I also want to make sure we’re not simply equating the busyness of our prior work lives with value. Much to my chagrin, I’ve discovered that “busy” is not the same thing as “valuable.” I’m much less busy in retirement, but I am learning that the things I do now have much deeper meaning to the people around me than my work ever did.
James wrote: “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom” (James 3:13, NIV).
That feels like a much more fulfilling road map for retirement than trying to rekindle the sense of value our former work gave us.
“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.”
What Does Matter
But I do think there are many paths to mattering.
By all means, matter to people by serving them, comforting them, and speaking God’s truth to them. We all intuitively know that the best way to matter is to make others feel that they matter. By all means, do that!
And if you are able to continue to do the good work you did at work, by all means, do that! I’m grateful that I can now apply my work skills and experiences to new activities. But I also have embraced new things for which I have no obvious skill. That’s when I have no alternative but to rely on God. I grow when I see him deliver.
“I grow when I see him deliver.”
Reason to Matter
My advice is not to try to “matter” as a way to feed your own ego or resurrect your prior sense of workplace value. Consider what else is out there. At least in my case, the new opportunities God has set before me in retirement have much greater eternal impact than the stuff I did at work.
I mean, aside from grocery store couponing.
Coupons don’t matter as much as you might think.
From Tom Petersen’s “Repenting of Work.” Used with Permission.
