We don’t do nuance very well these days…
We tend to take complex realities, find their absolute worst expressions, and then decide the whole thing must be the problem. If something has caused harm somewhere, the dominant instinct is to label it dangerous everywhere. That’s especially true in our current conversations around masculinity and empathy.
In some cultural spaces, masculinity itself is treated as a liability—something that needs to be softened, restrained, or even apologized for. Can’t men be less driven, dominant, and competitive and more, say, cooperative and empathetic? In response to this—and other criticisms like it—some Christians have begun to push back, and in the process, empathy has come under suspicion. In certain corners of the church, empathy itself is now being described as toxic, corrosive, or incompatible with biblical faithfulness.
As a minister/pastor—and as someone who has also worked in the mental health world—I sometimes find myself caught in the middle of this conversation. It’s increasingly frequent that I find myself talking with men who are unsure what strength is supposed to look like anymore. I also sit with people more often than I’d like who are deeply wounded and yet have learned that being honest about their pain will be met with correction not compassion. Something has gone sideways in both directions.
Masculinity is not inherently toxic. Empathy is not inherently unbiblical. But both can become unhealthy when they are twisted into something God never intended them to be.
First, a Few Definitions
A lot of our confusion comes from sloppy definitions, so it’s worth taking a moment for the sake of clarity. Biblically speaking, masculinity is not bravado, dominance, or emotional detachment. Nor is it chest-thumping or control. At its core, masculinity in Scripture looks like strength oriented toward responsibility. From the very beginning, God called men to cultivate, protect, provide, and lead—not for their own sakes, but for the sake of others.
When masculinity goes wrong in the Bible, it’s rarely because men are too strong. More often, it’s because they are passive, disengaged, or unfaithful. Adam didn’t sin by being aggressive in the garden—he sinned while standing by silently, shirking the responsibility God had given him. David’s downfall wasn’t strength per se, but strength untethered from faithful obedience—the responsibility God had given him to be a just king.
The problem isn’t masculinity. The problem is masculinity detached from humility and submission to God.
The same is true with empathy. Biblically defined, empathy is the ability to enter into another person’s suffering—to listen, to feel with them, to acknowledge their pain—all this without abandoning truth or moral clarity.
Scripture consistently calls God’s people to empathetic compassion: to weep with those who weep, to bear one another’s burdens, to draw near to the brokenhearted.
Empathy does not mean agreement. It does not mean affirmation of every belief or behavior. It means faithful presence. It means refusing to treat people like problems to be solved instead of neighbors to be loved and cared for—cared about. Yes, empathy becomes unhealthy when it is redefined as unconditional validation or as compassion without truth. But rejecting its redefinitions does not require us to reject empathy altogether.
“Rejecting its redefinitions does not require us to reject empathy altogether.”
When Masculinity Becomes the Villain
Nancy Pearcey’s work, particularly The Toxic War on Masculinity, puts language to something many men already feel. In our broader culture, masculinity is often framed less as a gift to be stewarded and more as a threat to be managed. Traits like assertiveness, competitiveness, risk-taking, and physical strength are frequently treated as inherently suspect.
Pearcey is right to challenge that narrative. When we teach boys and men that their natural impulses are dangerous by default, we shouldn’t be surprised when those impulses either go underground or end up coming out sideways. Suppressing masculinity doesn’t redeem it—it distorts it.
Scripture never treats masculinity as something to be erased or even neutralized. It treats it as something to be formed. Jesus Himself makes this clear through His steady example. He is gentle, but He is not passive. He is compassionate, but He is not indecisive. He confronts religious hypocrisy, speaks plainly about sin, and willingly walks toward suffering for the sake of others. This is not a soft masculinity. It is strength under control and courage shaped by love.
“Suppressing masculinity doesn’t redeem it—it distorts it.”
When Empathy Becomes the Enemy
In recent years, a parallel concern has surfaced in the church. Leaders like Albert Mohler have raised important warnings about how empathy is being used—and misused—in contemporary discourse. The concern, as I understand it, is that empathy has quietly shifted from understanding someone’s pain to affirming their moral conclusions. In that version, empathy becomes a kind of moral veto over Scripture. An empathy that overrides other moral considerations sits just upstream of self-inspired theology.
That concern is legitimate. There is a version of empathy that refuses to say hard things to anyone it considers historically marginalized. It is a kind of compassion that treats disagreement as harm and correction as cruelty. That is not biblical empathy. Where I part ways with some of the current conversation, however, is when empathy itself becomes suspect. When the response to a distorted empathy is to declare empathy dangerous altogether, we’ve overcorrected. At that point, we’ve traded discernment for suspicion.
Ironically, this mirrors the very mistake many cultural critics make as it relates to masculinity. In both cases, a good gift is judged by its worst expressions. Rediscovering the lost art of nuance would be helpful here…
“There is a version of empathy that refuses to say hard things to anyone it considers historically marginalized.”
Scripture Refuses to Make the False Choice 
One striking facet of Scripture is how rarely we see true strength separated from compassion. God reveals Himself as mighty and merciful, just and tender, holy and set apart, yet near. He is described as a warrior and a shepherd, a judge and a refuge. These are not contradictions. Correctly understood, they are complements.
Jesus embodied this perfectly. He did not minimize sin, yet drew close to sinners. He did not excuse brokenness, but instead willingly entered into it. He wept at Lazarus’s tomb even though He knew resurrection was coming. The apostle Paul reflected the same posture. His ministry included correction, warning, and exhortation—but also gentleness, patience, and deep affection. He never treated truth and tenderness as rivals.
Here’s why this matters. Masculinity without empathy becomes harsh and domineering. Empathy without strength becomes directionless, easily-coopted sentimentality. Scripture insists we hold them together. Jesus came from the Father full of both grace and truth (John 1:14)—not working to figure out the appropriate balance between grace and truth, but full to the brim with both. This is our calling as well.
“Masculinity without empathy becomes harsh and domineering. Empathy without strength becomes directionless, easily-coopted sentimentality.”
Toxicity Is the Result of Distortion, Not Design
Here’s the heart of the issue: neither masculinity nor empathy are inherently the villains some want to make them out to be. Masculinity becomes toxic when strength is used to dominate rather than to serve. Empathy becomes toxic when compassion is severed from truth. But—and this is important—neither distortion negates the goodness of the original gift.
We don’t solve the issue of abuse by abolishing authority. And we don’t solve the issue of moral incoherence by abandoning compassion. It’s the Devil that tears living things apart; Jesus brings all the virtues to life with love as the root system (see Colossians 3:12-14). Let’s return to a biblical vision that shapes strength and empathy toward their intended wholeness under the lordship—and according to the likeness—of Jesus.
“Let’s return to a biblical vision that shapes strength and empathy toward their intended wholeness under the lordship—and according to the likeness—of Jesus.”
A Final Word…
The world doesn’t need less masculinity. What it needs instead is redeemed masculinity. The church doesn’t need less empathy. It needs genuine biblical empathy. If we keep speaking in tribal absolutes—declaring entire virtues dangerous—we shouldn’t be surprised as we produce shallow disciples and fragile church communities, lacking the fulness of what God has called us to. If instead we work to recover the healthy vision Scripture gives us, we can raise up men and women who reflect the character of Jesus: strong and compassionate, truthful and loving, courageous and kind. We shouldn’t settle for less.
Masculinity is not inherently toxic.
Empathy is not inherently unbiblical.
Both are good gifts.
Both can be distorted.
And in this moment, as always, both are desperately needed.
