I wonder what percentage of the human population has been wiped out because of cancerous human words. I wonder what percentage of people’s souls have been crushed because of words—said by an impossible-to-please parent, a cruel upperclassman, an unkind teacher, an abusive relative, a back-stabbing so-called “friend.” It’s probably a lot of the human population—and a lot of the human soul.
“Death . . . is in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21, NASB)
If you’ve said words that hurt people, and you’ve seen it in their eyes (and we’ve all been guilty), there are two things you need to do for next time:
First, if you don’t want your words to wound, pray.
“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3, NASB)
If there’s someone to whom you often end up saying hurtful things, pray first. This could be a coworker, a parent, a sibling, etc. Someday, it may be your spouse or kids. The relationship is worth it, so before you accidentally wield your words as a weapon, pray.
Second, if you don’t want your words to wound, listen.
Speaking personally, growing up, when I did something stupid, my parents often had me write the same Bible verse over and over. Doing the math, I probably wrote this verse a couple thousand times:
“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19, NASB)
“Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”
Before you say what you really want to say, listen—really listen to the other person. The more you listen before you talk, the more you’ll understand and the less you’ll hurt people with your words.
“He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him.” (Proverbs 18:13, NASB)
So, before speaking, let’s say you’re prayed up and listening well. Good. If so, then guess what God wants you to do next?
He wants you to speak.
Yes, there are Bible verses that warn against misusing our mouths. The tongue can destroy like a fire, kill like poison, cut like a thrusting sword. For starters, James 3 gives all sorts of metaphors for the destructiveness of the tongue.
But that’s only half the story.
It’s true that Ephesians 4:31 lists all sorts of ways our words can wound:
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31, NASB)
But don’t forget to look at the next verse:
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NASB)
God wants you to talk—spreading kindness and forgiveness with your words. God gave you a mouth to say stuff.
“God gave you a mouth to say stuff.”
True, your words can harm, but look what else they can do:
“A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4, NASB)
“There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18, NASB)
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21, NASB)
“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24, NASB)
Max Lucado, a preacher and author, writes about a half-Ironman triathlon he competed in. The 1.2-mile swim was over. The 56-mile bike ride was over. Now he was ready for the final third of the triathlon, the 13.1-mile run. Not much energy left to say the least. He decided to strike up a conversation with the guy jogging beside him and immediately regretted it. “How’s it going?” Max asked, to which the other guy immediately began complaining: “This stinks. This race is the dumbest decision I ever made.” Max says he had more complaints than a taxpayer at the IRS. Max knew that if he kept listening to this, he would start agreeing. So Max jogged a little faster and caught up with a 66-year-old grandmother. These are the kinds of things she said: “You’ll finish this.” “It’s hot, but at least it’s not raining.” “One step at a time.” “Don’t forget to hydrate.” “Stay in there.”
Words of encouragement keep us going. They can keep us alive.
“Words of encouragement keep us going. They can keep us alive.”
For years, I’ve heard my dad tell a story he heard from a fellow preacher. A little 9-year-old boy got tired of practicing the piano. His mother had heard that a great piano player was coming to town to perform a concert. Thinking it might inspire the boy, she dressed him in a little tuxedo and took him to the concert. Waiting in the audience for the concert to start, the boy got bored listening to his mother talk to her friends. When she wasn’t watching, the boy sneaked on stage where he sat down at the Steinway grand piano and started playing “Chopsticks.” The crowd grew angry at the impertinent boy and started saying things like, “Quit that!” and “Hey, kid! Get off the stage!” and (to his mother’s horror) “Where’s this kid’s mother?!”
Backstage, the great piano player pieced together what was happening and hurried onstage. There, he came up behind the boy and whispered, “Don’t stop playing.” Then he reached around the boy and started playing a beautiful melody to go along with “Chopsticks.” “Don’t quit. Keep playing,” he kept saying to the boy, as they played a beautiful song together.
That’s what God does in our lives too. He takes our childlike efforts and makes something beautiful out of them. Yet discouraged people often listen to the crowd, forget the good God can do through them, and decide to quit. That’s where you come in. You can say, “Don’t quit. Don’t stop. God’s got this.”
Pray, listen, and then talk. Speak words of life to discouraged souls.
