*Editor’s Note: If you could write a letter to your younger self, what would you say? How would you advise your younger self in navigating the difficulties? What would you tell yourself to stop obsessing about, and what would you tell yourself to go all in with? Marcus Stenson is a preacher and founding member of the disciple making organization “Be1Make1.” In this letter, Marcus imagines what he might say to help his fifteen-year-old self hang in there when it gets tough and pursue what matters. How can a teenager handle tough identity questions and personal tragedies in ways that grow their faith in God stronger? As you read, let Marcus’s letter help you imagine how you might help guide younger people who could use wisdom and encouragement for what lies ahead.
Hey man,
I’m writing to put you on game ahead of time. You don’t realize it yet, but I’m just one of a multitude of voices God has put in your life to guide you. Know this: none of this is by accident. Remember when Papaw passed away? How only then you realized then how lucky you were to have an example like him? Remember the dream he visited you in? I know it crushed you, but it also motivated you. Chase it down. I want you to know ahead of time that you’re incredibly gifted, but you owe all of what you will become to God and to the people He has given you. So cherish them.
Realize that for every single person you know, some day you are going to talk to them for the last time, see them for the last time…and you never know when that is going to be. So make sure you live gratefully and graciously with them. Tell them how important they are, and most important of all, pay it forward. Be for others what they have been for you. Do this as often as you can, as deeply as you can, for every single person God brings across your path. You never know who needs your story.
Speaking of that…I’m proud of you. You’re just starting to sense that there’s a larger story at work here. It’s confusing, I know. So far, you’ve spent most of your time trying to figure out where you belong. Growing up on both sides of the tracks has its benefits, but it’s true that you’ve never really “fit” in anywhere. Enjoy it! You’re never going to look back and regret your crisp J’s pulled up to a game of D&D with your guys.
“Tell them how important they are, and most important of all, pay it forward.”
But go deeper. Over the next few years, you’re going to realize that all the insecurity you’ve carried so many years actually comes from the most powerful gift God has given you. It’s just been narrated by the wrong voice. Right now, your teammates narrate it. The culture you’re in narrates it. Your schoolmates narrate it. What you don’t know is that they are even more insecure than you are. Beneath all of these voices, the enemy of your soul and your destiny is the one trying to write the script. You’re going to see this really start to emerge over the next two years.
Most of your friends will all become more uncomfortable in unfamiliar environments as life expands…and you will realize that all of this pain, anxiety, insecurity, and anger you’re going through has given you a set of skills and abilities that will make you feel at home in almost any conceivable environment. Embrace it. Be unapologetic. You don’t have to be “black enough” to satisfy white people’s perceptions, and you don’t have to be “white enough” to make them feel safe enough to date their daughters. God is doing something even bigger in you.
So be kind and be gracious. When you understand the nature of a thing and you know what it’s capable of…that means you don’t have to react to what people do or say to you. Instead, with understanding you can respond. It will make you more powerful than the anger you are struggling to control right now. I promise. They don’t get you, but how could they? The secret is, even though they appear to have it all together, most people don’t get themselves. They are as confused as you are. Remember this.
“They are as confused as you are. Remember this.”
There are so many places where this is going to get interesting in the days ahead. Have fun with it. There’s a coming day when someone is going to say that thing you hate: “You’re the whitest black guy I know”—and this time, you’re going to know exactly how to respond. You won’t feel the need to angrily defend your heritage anymore, and those moments that hurt so badly for so long are going to become strangely enjoyable.
I’m not going to spoil it for you, but I’ll tell you this. You’ve spent your life up to this point believing you don’t belong. That there’s nowhere you fit in this mess. You’ve wanted to fit, to belong, to be accepted and valued more than anything. In your desperate pursuit of this, you’ve learned to make people laugh, you’ve learned to communicate with everyone, you’ve learned to be relentless in pursuit of bettering yourself through hard work and sport…and all of these things will begin to reveal the truth about who God has made you. It’s not that you don’t belong anywhere, it’s that you actually belong EVERYWHERE. And there are going to be very few people in this life who have this kind of kit under the hood. Truly, if you let Him, God will make your greatest pain your greatest power. Trust me, it’s going to take you places you never imagined.
Speaking of places you never imagined…right now, and for a few more years, all your travel is going to be tied to basketball. Enjoy that. You’re not going to get to see the world…yet. But you’ll see some awesome places, and the best part will be the brotherhood you’re going to experience. Right now, you don’t really fit on your team, but later you’re going to have a band of brothers who would die for you. Enjoy those trips. Stick to your convictions and you will be an example to them.
“Stick to your convictions and you will be an example to them.”
Keep in mind that sometimes God’s love is spelled “pain and correction.” So when life hits hard, remember what I wrote you at the start. Don’t waste your life and the life so many others have poured into you. By the time you’re my age, you’re going to be truly lucky to be here (I have the pictures and scars to prove it). Listen to me, God isn’t going to keep you around for nothing, and the sooner you realize it, the more those days are going to mean. You have no reasonable objective in this life than to become every bit of what God called you to be. Be faithful to God’s original idea for you. Pursue it as you pursue Him. In this you will never go astray.
Back to what I really wanted you to know about seeing the world. As you have opportunity to travel in the days ahead, DO IT. Actually, make the opportunity when you can. You will thrive and grow so much by getting out of the bubble. Once your mind is exposed to new places and possibilities, it can never go back to the smaller perspective of life that it had before. It will change you for the better. By the way, you’re never going to regret taking the trip and making the memory.
One day, even further along than I’m writing you from, we’re going to check out of this thing. I’m writing to you from a perspective where I have spent time with many who are in their last days and moments, and I can already assure you that we won’t be on our death bed regretting the money we spent, or vacation time we blew to make a memory with loved ones. Go the extra mile to give people (especially those who have given so much for you) special moments and experiences. Do whatever it takes to get Mom some place magical (you’ll know what this means when the time comes). Pull out all the stops to see her smile under the big lights (this too, you’ll know when it’s right). She deserves it.
“Pull out all the stops to see her smile under the big lights.”
As you try to plan out your life, I promise you this: God’s plans for your life are better than your plans for your life. Believe that. Speaking of God’s plans for you, keep this close to your heart: God usually won’t give you what you ask for, but He will always give you what you would have asked for, if you knew everything He already knows. This will apply in every single life circumstance, no matter how dark or how bleak it seems.
God knows the end from the beginning…and that means He knows your mistakes before you even make them. When you say, “I can’t believe I did this again, or that I still struggle with this,” quite literally He will be looking back to you saying, “Oh but I can…and now that you know what I know…maybe we can make some progress and grow.”
God won’t be shocked by your failures, your mistakes, your selfishness, your addictions, those generational chains. Only you will be…but you must recognize that the more aware you become of your own brokenness, the more beautiful Jesus becomes. He knows you top to bottom and every one of those mistakes you have and will come to make…yet His presence in your life is so prevalent you’ll have no explanation for it other than He loves you anyway.
His grace is greater. His mercy is greater. And when you are at rock bottom, remember how much He has blessed you regardless of what He knows about you. Choose not to waste the blessing as much as you can help it. Rock bottom isn’t pointless if you find the Rock there.
“When you are at rock bottom, remember how much He has blessed you regardless of what He knows about you.”
You should know that, even though you think you need clarity to get through this…you don’t. What you really need is trust. Clarity can be an idol that allows you to feel like you’re in control. You never were, and you never will be. But God is. If you have perfect clarity in life’s difficult moments, you will lean on your own understanding, vision, and trust in your own strength. That’s the last thing you need. You don’t need clarity; you need trust. Only when you trust God fully will you have the courage to move when He tells you it’s time. If you don’t have that trust, all the clarity in the world won’t be able to save you. Trust that He’s already done the math on this, and He is ALWAYS on time.
If I can leave you with one final parting word, it’s to push this thing to the max. Be more concerned with becoming a man of significance than a man of success. Most people think if they achieve success they will find fulfillment in life. But the truth is, the success everyone is chasing is hollow. You’re going to meet and build relationships with many incredibly successful people who are still bitter, anxious, fearful, and owned by the grind everyone is worshiping. Make no mistake, your deepest need isn’t success—it’s significance. Success is what you accomplish for yourself, but significance is what you accomplish for others.
A dream that only serves you, no matter how big, is playing life small. Significance is different. Its reward is in the successes of the lives it touches. And that is so much greater than the selfish little world you were going to settle for. All the challenges, struggles, pain, failures, and rock-bottom moments are going to be worth it. The storms you weather will become scars. The scars will become stories. And those stories will give someone else in the midst of their struggle the courage to try.
Do not fear, only believe.
You never know who needs your story.
—Marcus
