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Youth Ministry Matters

I’m not embarrassed to admit I eavesdrop at coffee shops. As a writer, it’s interesting to hear people’s unique voices—even if it’s only snatches of conversation.

Recently, I was wrapping up an afternoon of working from a local café when a high school student and his parents walked in. They got drinks and sat down without saying a word to each other. A few minutes later, a man joined them. I didn’t think much of it—until the man started arguing with the student.

I’ll summarize. After years of playing tennis, the student hadn’t been chosen to play varsity, so he quit. Through my noise-canceling headphones, I could hear this man—apparently, a member of the coaching staff—tear into the student for making that decision.

When flattery didn’t work—“You’re the hardest working one out there, they’ll realize they made a mistake”—he turned the tables. “I don’t understand why you guys can’t support each other like the girls’ team does.” He grilled him about whether he even had what it takes to play in college.

When the student tried to defend himself, he was mocked and shut down. “I’m speaking from experience. After ten years of doing this, I know some things. You need to listen right now.” Meanwhile, his parents sat, stone-faced and quiet. I got up and left around the ten-minute mark because I couldn’t stand it anymore.


“When flattery didn’t work, he turned the tables.”


When I left the coffee shop that day, I thought, “What would I have told that student?” I think I would have started by asking him why he’d started playing tennis in the first place. What was it he’d loved so much about it? What were the highlights and challenges? Where had he improved the most? Then, I’d ask him why he’d stepped away. I’d empathize with the embarrassment of working so hard at something and not getting to taste success in the end. Sadly, I never heard his coach ask a pretty obvious question: “Do you even still like playing tennis?”

If he’d been one of my students, I would have segued to asking about how this situation was impacting his walk with God. When he walked away, did he honor God in the conversations he had with his coaches? Were there opportunities for him to still support his friends and teammates? Was there any pride or anger he needed to repent of?

As a youth group leader of high schoolers around that student’s age, I’ve gotten some practice asking those types of questions.


“As a youth group leader of high schoolers around that student’s age, I’ve gotten some practice asking those types of questions.”


I’ve realized that church volunteers are some of the only people in students’ lives who provide a form of unbiased empathy—regardless of whether a student gets picked for varsity, wins an award, has a competitive SAT score, or earns admission to their dream college.

When students are wrestling with disappointments and challenges, we get to respond with love, the hope of Christ, compassion, and peace. We get the chance to remind them that their identity in Christ is the most important thing about them.

How many other relationships in students’ lives are like that?

Youth ministry volunteers care primarily about their students. We’re there for their spiritual formation and well-being, come what may. We’ve made investments that earn us the opportunity to ask difficult questions. We get to be curious about their lives in a way that other adults can’t or don’t choose to.


“We’ve made investments that earn us the opportunity to ask difficult questions.”


Students today are under so much pressure to perform and succeed. It’s no wonder anxiety is at a fever-pitch and self-harm and suicidal ideation are very real threats for the next generation.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen callous, careless words from parents, coaches, and others become self-fulfilling prophecies in students’ lives. But, by the grace of God, the salt and light of Christians pouring into students can roll back that fog and confusion.

If you’ve ever wanted an opportunity to make a lasting difference in the Body of Christ, your church’s youth need your encouragement right now.

Don’t wait.

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